Who Loves Their Body?
Honestly? Not many of us. This body that runs, stretches, grows, hungers, laughs, lives. This body that gains weight when we want to lose or loses when we want to gain. This body that seems to exist so far away from our goals and expectations. How is it possible to love this being? How do we trust it, especially when it seems to exist so contrary to what we want?
Whenever someone starts a weight plan, it’s usually because they’re not happy with the body they have. They want to change it, to adjust the physical reality in which they’re living. I get that! Of course we want to be and feel our best. We want to run without getting tired and feel comfortable in a crowd of people. It’s not enough to point out that even the best looking people are struggling with how they look. Insecurity follows most of us and strikes even the best of us. No one is immune to physical uncertainty and all have inadvertently walked through it.
When it comes to the idea of loving your body, though - I often hear, “I just want to get to a specific weight, so I can like the way I look.” Or, “If I lose weight, then I’ll x,y,&z, because I’ll feel good about myself.” “I’ll buy that dress when I lose ten pounds.” “I’ll join a dating app when I hit my goal weight.” “I’ll apply for that job when I have more control over my body.” There are countless things we’re waiting on, just to get our body ‘correct’. Unfortunately, most of us have missed the very important reason our body is at it’s current weight. It was doing us a service. It was processing emotion that you may have been too afraid to feel. It was taking the physical or emotional blows of an abusive spouse or parent. It was covering all of the areas deep inside that weren’t able to find their voice.
I look at weight as a safety blanket. It’s working very hard to protect you, sometimes from yourself, your memories, sometimes from the pain of those around you, or the stress under which you’re living. There’s typically a reason for weight and it’s the very brave that are willing to uncover the protective veil and walk through healing, to find their best selves. Not all weight is tied to emotion, stress, hormones, guilt, shame, or unforgiveness. But, very often it is. Sometimes weight is tied to your ancestry and your beliefs about the women in your family or your culture. It could be tied to a medical issue that you need to partner with your doctor to solve. It could be tied to your hormones and you may need to add in supplements. You may be reacting to an allergen or a toxin in your environment. There’s lots of reasons we hold on to weight, it’s important to find out why and process through them. This is one of the reasons I so often health coach in conjunction with a therapist. A licensed marriage and family therapist can help you rewrite your story and process deep in the subconscious. Your doctor can work through your physical markers and highlight areas that need adjustment, then we work together to build a plan that aligns with their recommendations.
There are many reasons to be overweight that have nothing to do with willpower. There is often a stigma attached to people who are obese, that they lack self control. I have often found that there are reasons for the weight and a few simple changes to diet and mental thought processes dramatically undo the weight and cause it to just, ‘fall off’.
Through all the processes, changes, adjustments, and challenges - I want you to realize that the body you’re in has been doing an excellent job. It has kept you alive, nurtured, protected, safe, and insulated through all of the chaos that life has thrown at you. It’s worth taking a moment to value. I teach my clients to run their hands down their sides, to look at this body with gratitude for all it’s done, thank it for the hard things from which it’s kept you. Then, when you’re ready, you can let it know, you’re ready to take over. You’re going to work together with your body to deal with the emotional and physical triggers that come your way. You’re ready to take on the challenge and it can rest, because you’re going to very bravely stay present through all the chaos. Even if sometimes you don’t. There have been seasons that I’m walking through hard things and I notice I’ve started to eat a little more. I let myself come into awareness and process that I must have been dealing with more than I was able to handle for a little while. This is usually where I take some time to journal, meditate, and spend some time alone to walk through what I’m feeling. I like to remember to thank my body for being willing to insulate me when I wasn’t ready to stand in the process myself.
I just shared a lot that may take you a while to understand and work through. I’m happy to walk through any questions that may arise. Feel free to reach out. I’ll revisit this subject, because it always takes people a long time to comprehend. When it does, you’ll find an amazing dose of freedom and joy - that’s exciting!
For now, even if it’s very hard, be thankful for the wonderful body you have. Sometimes, the most my clients can find gratitude for is the breath that they’re able to breathe. Then, breathing deeply in and hold and slowly, gently out. You are lovely.
